Getting Personal

I was browsing through my archives and felt something odd in my blogging pattern. Something seemed to be missing in this online journal of mine. And then, it hit me.

This blog has lost its personal touch.

What used to be blogging for me in my earlier years, has changed from a blog of my personal thoughts & experiences to mere narrations of my doings. Of only short captions & images.

Where were my own personal thoughts?

So this is going to be quite a personal entry. I hope. I was tossing and turning in bed one night at 3am, unable to get to sleep cause many thoughts were running through my mind. So I told myself, I've to write them down.

Everyone, or at least the people around me, must have been puzzled at the disappearance of my online persona for the upper half of the year, and then a sudden emergence of my pictures with the 'ex-bf' whom everyone thought I had broke up with.

Not that I need to account to anyone that's un-related to me, at all about my personal life, but its time I start taking responsibilities.

Of all the many errs I've made in my life, the biggest one was to left him for that period of 6months. And I regret it til this day. It was nobody's else fault but my own. I regret for having him experienced the pain and torment, regret for creating this rift between us which perhaps could never been filled, regret for changing his trusting nature, regret for causing those sleepless nights and nightmares of him.

Many nights I stay up, imagining what it was like for him, how he got by without me by his side, and wishing I could turn back time, so he could never been hurt by me.

Part of the reason why I could ever move on so fast from that period of hell, was because of his love. And constant reminders to myself that it was my deserved punishment. The day I decided to return to his side was the day I made a promise to never break his heart again. I knew the path was going to be hard and damn it was. Quarrels and fights we had many. We perserved and we are going to continue doing so. Against all odds.

If there is any hate, I hate myself for the sin I made. If there is regret, my sole regret was putting him through all the emotional torture.

And I am thankful and fortunate, for this second chance. And cherish it I would.