The Sweetest Thing

Thank you, my dearest, for getting me the healing foot pads for my stressed, tired feet. It may not cost a diamond ring, but the sincerity of it way beats getting me a gem-crusted silver band. I wasn't expecting you to take my complaints of recurring leg cramps so seriously that you would think of me in the middle of your packed work schedule to look for a remedy. Thank you, it means so much to me. This gift is the sweetest thing I've had in my lifetime. I believe the cramps won't be visiting tonight. =)

Why, What, Where, Who, When ?

It's a thin line between being concerned (for someone) and just being inquisitive. Both ask questions, the only difference being the intention. We are asking questions everyday, verbally and in our heads. We need to make enquiries when we are unsure, so we can learn. It is supposed to be good, I guess. I like to ask questions, to the subject itself or to others regarding a certain subject. People tell me I shouldn't know too much for my own good. I don't agree. Maybe cause I like humanities, like Geography and History. Past and Cause and Consequences. But not everyone or everything is like an openbook, that you can flip through and find your answers. Some answers can never be found, like lost traditions and cultures which will never surface again. Others are deliberately hidden from you, so you may never find them and you never will. Sometimes, you manage to find your answers. But they are disappointing, perhaps even to the point of perturbing. That's when you stop asking questions and take a step back until the final judgement is passed.

"I miss you"

These three words are probably being uttered, everyday, every hour, every minute, everywhere by everyone to anyone. But when as you're saying it, have you wondered what you are missing? Someone's companionship? His voice or her laughter? His smell or her eyes? His hugs or her kisses? How the person makes you feel? Or simply, how much you like to be around her?

These three words can be so ambiguous. And ambiguity is a jittery state which only constant validation and clarification can relieve.

When I miss you, it is not because I am lonely. I merely wish to spend a twilight with you.
When I miss you, please know that it is your presence that I miss, not your companionship.
When I miss you, I am thinking about about how your eyes crinkle up when you laugh.
When I miss you, it is not because I need to feel loved and special. I just want to make you feel so.
When I miss you, its your embrace that I want to be in, and not blatant attention that I yearn for.



And it is as simple as that.

Monday 'Blues' & Macs!!

Today marks the best Monday I've had in months. Why, you might ask. The weather was great (No rain!). I wasn't late for work (well, earlier than usual!). Skin wasn't SO bad. The contractors were all very nice. My boss was in a good mood, I managed to clear a handful of cases. Lunch cost only $2.50. Repaired the soles of my mary-janes. My boobs felt bigger than usual. (Hooray!) Got many text messages from my love. People smiled at me. (I smiled at them back)

Basically, everything about today was just great!

To round off this awesome day, I feasted on an Oreo McFlurry's. No pictures cause I was slurping it like a glutton as I strolled home. Plus a Coke and Large Fries. Who cares about fat and diet and cholesterol. Not me!!

But only for this special Monday...

Found

I had the most bizarre dream ever. In the dream, I was a small girl, trapped in a massive multi-storey carpark. The kind of carparks u find next to commercial buildings in Singapore. Only, in place of parking lots were sections of chlorine-filled pools separated by thin rocky planks of slippery tiled ledges. My sole purpose was to retrieve a cellphone I left by one of the pools, and to get to them, I had to cross the planks. I had to get the cellphone, no matter what. It held the answer to my dubiety. But I did not manage to get it in the end. I remember watching helplessly, as the cell dropped into the deep waters below. I could dive in but I did not. This risk was not worth taking. I told myself.

And then, I was woken by a familiar waft of scent. Breathing more calmly, I snuggled closer to its source as his arms closed in around me.

Time to stop dreaming. Why the chimerical pursuit when I already had my answers.

Beams of Sunshine

Caught a local film at a heartland mall today - think its called Where are you Ghost or somesort. Was quite apprehensive about the show at first after hearing critical newspapers' reviews on it but I was delightfully surprised (as usual). This show is so true to its Chinese title (Xia Dao Ni Xiao). Direct translation to English - scare you till you laugh. Haha. I was spooked, tickled, touched, on top of many other emotions, throughout the whole show. Seems like another one of Jack Neo's feat again.

The third story in the movie got me thinking of my Mom. Yes, I almost always relate what I see/hear to what's happenning around me. Our relationship has been kinda strained lately. It feels like we're drifting apart as I've not been spending much time with her due to work and everything else. Actually, I know work is just an excuse. If i can find the time to hang out with my friends, why not my own Mommy?

Perhaps, I am ashamed to face her. Now 22 years old and no longer the wholesome innocent daughter she painstakingly gave birth to and brought up. Cause deep down, I know I'm not fulfilling my rightful duties of a daughter or the eldest child. Cause of a long long list of things I regret ever doing or not doing.

Thus, I'm making a mental note to myself.
To start being more sensitive to the needs of my loved ones. To put in more effort to make their day(s). To let them know how much I truly love them.

And I'll stop trying to please people who probably do not care tuppence about me. Nor am I gonna make any compromises against my better judgment and conscience, for the momentary volatile droplet of satisfaction which usually leaves me feeling emptier and less worthy after the droplet dissipates.

So I hereby apologise to those whom I shouldn't but neglected. And those whom I've been trying to please behind a facade of indifference but am going to stop trying.

For the sake of me, myself and I this time. I am taking this turn.

'Goodbye' Seems to be the Hardest Word

BACK again! Cause I've so much stuff that I wanna shout about. Just had a date with my dearest boy at ION where we confided in each other our heart-felt thoughts. How cool is that. ;P

And I'm so happpppieee, cause we had a rockin' good time! Haven't had a date like this for I can't remember how long. Miss the StarHub days when I was loaded, alright relatively richer, and we would head to our favourite hang-out places and chill (and shop!) like there's no tomorrow.

Dinner was at all-time favourite restaurant (my treat of course!) but we couldn't finish the food we ordered. Surprisingly. Got him a Zara printed Tee cause he seemed to really like it. Gosh, only 16 year old and his wardrobe is filled with Topman, GAP and Zara apparels. And I was going to thrift stores and BV to get my clothes when I was that age. Life's that unfair hur.

My dear badminton captain. Who is about 10 cm taller than me... boohoo. Can't bully him anymore!

And oh, guess how much I've spent in a short span of 48hours...?! 500 SGD! Gawd, I'm seriously sick. A mental illness called Compulsive-Spending-Whenyouhavemoney syndrome. And I still have a long list of essentials to stock up on, its crazy! Money's never enough!

Tuesday night was awfully sinful!

The gang decided to try the dessert buffet at Orchard's Swensons and it was really.... sickenning. So much so that I made them share the US Fries and Fried Mushrooms with me cause all the sweet food were driving my tastebuds craving for some sodium.


We always get damn professional waiter-photographers! X-D


What's a gathering without a little drama...







Ripped these photos off Beverly's FB! I'm too lazy to upload my own.


Anyway...

I'm so gonna make another trip to town again. For the tiered mini-dress, harem pants, boyfriend blazer, denim jumpsuit and skinfood supplements. Someone stop me please!

“So do your heart a favor, sweetie. Just turn around and leave. It may not be what you think you want, but it’s what you need”

- Leighton Fitzpatrick

Bitter-sweet. Got me thinking...

Properly.

Something which I haven't done for the longest time.