3 down (and screwed), 2 more to go. Can't wait for 13th May, 1730hrs, when I can finally stuff my notes in a corner for a good few months.

I don't understand. I really don't. Is it so hard to let go of the past? Even when what happenned last time hurt you? You've had your revenge and 'returned' the hurt, haven't you? You asked me before if i'd do the same thing if i was you. I can now safely assure you that I won't. Because I am moving on, instead of following your footsteps, despite what you've done to me, I choose not to feel the hatred.

You argue that I'm not hurt as much as you were. That's not fair. You aint me. How do you know? Who are you to say that? Are you me?

But hey, is not what you've been doing for the past 6 months of our relationship considered two-timing? Both physically and emotionally. Weren't you indeed lying to me all along? Revenge or not, any reasons you've given are no excuse for what you did, and nor do they minimise the hurt inflicited on me. You're just plainly trying to justify what you've been doing.

For many nights I couldn't sleep well. Past scenes and your words will come to my mind and the cycle of self-doubt will begin again. But I know I can no longer get my answers from you. So I chose to leave. Letting go and moving on is a long tedious journey, but you'd realise that its actually for your own (and my own) good.

I wish you could have been honest with me, but you haven't been, right from the beginning. Lies over lies. I can only say, you know what you've been doing. So please understand why I'm leaving.

And for your own sake, just let go of your negativity. You probably feel tortured now, but you'll be truly happy one day. If you're remorseful about what you've done, just let go and move on. At least, you can look back one day and be proud that you didn't do anything against your better judgement and conscience.

These are my last words for you.

6th May 2010

Marks the day of my liberalisation, from his mind games, deception, pretense and trickery.

I'm finally freed. And strangely, I'm feeling relieved instead of sad. Maybe my capacity for grief has already reached its max.

His loss, my gain. =)

Watch this space for my updates.

Au revoir.

Its 3.31am on Sat morning and I'm supposed to be working for an event later in about 12hours or so but not even close to falling asleep. Kinda regretting taking up the assignment. Sucky complexion gets me feeling so low-self esteem. Even concealors don't work. But well, need the money, so I'm pretty bent on enduring the 4 hours with a thick skin among other gorgeous babes and make a quick getaway.


This was taken by my sis on our way to school one unlucky morning. Wearing her puff-sleeved Topshop top which I(we) love ttm. We decided to cab down but ended up being caught in a traffic jam and paying extra cab fare with peak period surcharges. This picture has been processed by this cool Iphone application which makes ur face looks flawless, so you can't really see my acne scars.

Its been months My life seemed to have undergone a complete transformation - not sure whether its for the best or not, we shall see. I miss QQ.

She reminded me of how much I love him.

=(

Something alarmingly foreign happenned to my body mechanism freaked me out so terribly on Tuesday morning. Felt really helpless and scared, which was not only allayed after talking to my mom, but worsened. Thought she could give me some words of advice but i got naggings instead on how I haven't been taking care of my health properly - sleeping late, not drinking enough water etc. I was so worried I took half-day leave from work, making sure that I finished and accounted for my entire workload, and rushed to see my family doctor.

Doctor diagnosed I had an infection and I'm now on a week's course of antibiotics. I hate taking medicine cause I've always had difficulty swallowing pills since young. But I have to complete this course, don't want the infection to come back again, though doctor says it would definitely, at some point of time later in my life. Gosh. I really don't want to go through that painful ordeal again. I've probably not been giving my body enough pampering and rest, so from now on, i'm gonna cut down my intake on fried food, drink lots and lots of fluid, exercise and sleep earlier. Basicially, just loving myself more.

Was feeling better yesterday and went to Janet's for my bi-weekly Shiseido hair treatment. Only $40 for my hair length, i think its super worth it, considering the instant effect it does for my frizzy hair. Have tried various treatments at other high-end salons which charges ridiculous high prices and their effect can only stay for a day or two?

Its such a bad night.
Negative thoughts and past scenes just can't stop flashing through my pounding head.
I wish I was smarter. Braver. Less naive. Less trusting. More selfless. Loved myself more.

That's all. Not gonna say "Good night". It hasn't been a good one. Bed.